Articles

Jaron Tomsky

We made it! Welcome to the final installment of my second-ever Monster mania month, and this time around I've saved the weirdest new creature craze for last. Freax unite, as the odd monstrosity Iso'rath is truly one of us…one of us…one of…you get the picture! As we all know by now: tentacles equal extra cards (duh!), so why don't we make use of this unique advantage in a wacky way this week and just give this hand-less beast a great big hand. What will we fill this starting hand of nine with, you ask?

Did you guess? Go ahead, I'll wait.

That's right! It's raining Murlocs, hallelujahbut probably not the ones you're used to:

“C is for Cookie, That's Good Enough For Me!”

Hero: Iso'rath

Allies: 50
4 Baby Murloc
4 Keeper Sharus
4 Slippyfist
4 Swarmtooth
3 Crabbyfin
4 Chumly
3 Brighteye
4 Bobbler
4 King Bagurgle, Terror of the Tides
4 Gobbler
4 Captain Cookie
4 Vylokx
4 Gronn Skullcracker

Abilities: 3
3 Rwlrwlrwlrwl!

Locations: 3
3 Shadowfang Keep

Quests: 4
4 Seeds of their Demise

You won't find a single unlimited 2/1 or Poison Tipped here, my friends, as hilarious as a single copy of Murloc Coastrunner would have been. Also, did you really feel like reading over 1000 words about yet another Poison Tipped deck with at least 40 of the same blank 2/1 yet again? I sure hope not.

Okay, I may be pushing the Captain Cookie theme a teensy weensy bit overboard this week, but just look at those puppy-dog eyeballs. Ever since I first laid eyeballs on this shiny culinary connoisseur I just knew deep down that this day was inevitable. I figure I may not ever get a better chance to make use of his peculiar ability, already did the all-in Harmonize thing with passion, and ultimately I don't think Iso'rath is too picky when it comes to companions. To sum it all up: Party at Chez Cookie, and we're putting it all on Iso'rath's tab!

My munchy Murloc mob for this impossible mission, should you choose to accept, consists of enlisting only the finest fish-men with actually awesome abilities. That is, except for Baby Murloc who was also just way too adorable to pass up, even when primarily used as Shadowfang Keep bait.

Down to brass tacks: The main goal of this deck is to use your extra large starting hand to set up a solid board of Murloc allies that pump or assist each other with various benefits, often of the brute force variety, and finish off your opponent with a “Captain Cookie” text-splosion of awesomeness. I'm hoping to reveal any combination of Chumly, Bobbler, Gobbler, and King Bagurgle, Terror of the Tides for maximum amusement and possible synergistic bliss. When this does occur, I like to imagine Cookie cooking up a top secret gumbo serum that turns all of my Murlocs into muscle-bound maniacs: so basically the artwork of King Bagurgle, Terror of the Tides on steroids and a Sarlacc pit in the background. Beat that!

Note that Keeper Sharus is still holding up his Harmonize habit among these slobbering strangers to help ramp to Captain Cookie or the other usual suspects ASAP. Commander Ulthok sadly didn't quite make the cut this week, but sacrifices must be made to appease the Murloc gods, and finicky ol' Swarmtooth. Hey, as long as I found a way to somehow fit my 4 copies of Vylokx to end my month-long mission of overexposure, I'm okay with that. Gronn Skullcracker, though most often employed as a face-down resource or Swarmtooth combo-breaker, just needed to be included for the slightly less crazy-sounding than usual chance of a four-copy god-hand. A 12 damage attack on turn uno? That's what you get for laughing at my starting health value, sucker!

My ability suite is not very extensive this time around, either, but I just love imagining the mechanics of how this thing can still somehow manage to shout Rwlrwlrwlrwl! with that gigantic spiky mouth pit of his. Quite effectively, as it turns out, since this deck sure doesn't hate gaining ferocity and that extra +1 for a turn. Now I doubt that I'm missing some sweet, synergistic, classless, neutral bomb ability for this highly-restricted Hero's arsenal, but if I have made an egregious oversight of epic proportions be sure to let me hear it in the forum link below. I should note that Monstrous Upheaval did miss the final cut by the slimmest of margins. Then again, Vylokx. I rest my case.

Forlornly, I regret to inform you that I expect this version of Iso'rath to seldom have the longevity to be able to pay ten resources for his ridiculously great flip, save for a hot Vegas-worthy streak of card draw via multiple Swarmtooth coupled with the healing prowess of a therapeutic Brighteye or two in play. If you somehow do manage to flip with this creation, there is that removal that I bet you thought was totally absent. If you just scoffed out loud at that last sentence, you can feel free to add in a few copies of Harpy Matriarch and Gilblin Plunderer to at least answer whatever card types frighten the tentacles off of you the most, at least until neutral omni-removal abilities come along in a future set. I wouldn't hold your breath while waiting for that to show up, unless you can cheat with the help of some Gobbler-like gills.

And with that, this Monster mania month officially comes to a close. I hope you'll all consider giving this most excellent eccentric the old college try. After all, Iso'rath probably deserves a diploma from this underdog university that I call Tier Fun more than any other freax of yore! At the very least, I can honestly say that Captain Cookie will now always have a special place in my hijinx-loving heart due to the crazy powerful reveal combinations he has busted out alongside the “Iso-meister”.

Also, I want to give a quick shout-out to a buddy of mine: William “Zo” Zobac and the rest of his crazy crew for rocking a far superior version of this deck at the last Metamart 5k in Phoenix. If you missed the great coverage of that event, be sure and seek it out, kids and kittens, as you're in for a treat so sweet that even Cookie would be green with envy. Green-ER, I should say.

Until next week when my “10-sided die of destiny” (and almost certainly a few Vylokx-free decks along with it, *cue Outland's tiniest violin*) makes a long-awaited, triumphant homecoming…

Viva Los Demonios!

~Vylokx / Jaron Tomsky

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